Saturday, February 10, 2007

Poetry

Sometimes people tell me that the poetry I write is, well, somewhat bleak. And after I read through some of my older poems, yes it is. They're mostly about how lonely I was when I wrote it, how hopeless a situation I'm in seems, or how society as a whole has become formulaic. Readers also usually think I might be depressed or disturbed. What I write is usually a tragic commentary on what I was feeling at that moment.

That's the key phrase isn't it: at that moment? In one of my poems about Christmas I write about my loneliness during the season and I call myself a pathetic soul. As a whole, and anyone who knows me knows that I usually don't think of myself as pathetic (quite the opposite actually, sometimes I'm accused of being, unintentionally or otherwise, egotistic). While I was writing that poem, however, at that exact moment I was not feeling so confident about myself or my life.

Just because I write something doesn't mean I feel it constantly. Most likely 364 days of the year I don't feel like that. But it's that one day, that one moment of pain that I felt that let me write that. I don't write poetry for any other reason than to release the feelings inside of me. It's therapeutic and helps me grasp a better understanding of my feelings and situation, and thus my life. I look back poems and have a laugh occasionally to see how I was feeling. How those feelings of loneliness painted a picture much more morose than the situation at the time felt.

Pain brings about the best art, so usually I only paint or write when things aren't going as planned in my life and I feel lost. There's an old saying that "God is in the details." Writing, painting, or playing music allows me to evaluate the details in my life, finding in my own way an inner peace that only what people call God could give.

I am, taken as a whole, a happy person. I count myself lucky to have what I have, do what I do, and love whom I love. So if any of you ever get the chance to read my poetry or see any art I've created, don't think I mean everything I express. I just meant it at the time.

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